[opening theme music]
Will somebody please cue that bird?
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats Oooh yeah ♪
♪ Who do you call When you want some pepperoni? ♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
Right on!
♪ They're stepping out crime You know that ain't baloney ♪
♪ There's Speedy Cerviche He's the leader of the bunch ♪
♪ A heck of a fighter Makes a heck of a lunch ♪
♪ Little Polly Esther Who is never afraid ♪
♪ Of going into battle When the bad guys invade ♪
♪ Here's Guido Anchovy A wild romantic rover ♪
♪ This cat gets down down With a love hangover ♪
♪ Here come the Pizza Cats They're so bad ♪
♪ They've got more fur Than any turtle ever had ♪
♪ Stronger than old cheese Stronger than old cheese ♪
♪ Stronger than dirt Stronger than dirt ♪
♪ If you step on their tails ♪
♪ You're gonna get hurt ♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
♪ They're fighting crime All over town ♪
[Pizza Cats] Four, three, two, one
Pizza Cats are on the run!
♪ Big Cheese is the villain Who is lower than low ♪
♪ It's a rotten shame He lives in Little Tokyo ♪
♪ We've got a nasty Bad Bird And some nasty Ninja Crows ♪
♪ As soon as someone finds A script we can begin the show ♪
♪ Sit right back Kick up your feet ♪
♪ Turn the sound up high ♪
♪ And if you want a full effect Go eat a pizza pie ♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
[splash]
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
[narrator] Let us visit on this bright morning
an exciting city council meeting in Little Tokyo.
This is so boring!
Little Tokyo used to be a thrill a minute.
But lately it's been like dullsville in this town!
Anyone have any ideas?
With your permission, though I am but a lowly servant,
might I run an idea up the flagpole
to see who salutes it?
Why don't we organize a little martial arts contest?
Wouldn't that be exciting?
Holy jumping eggrolls! That's a super idea!
And the lucky winner of first prize
can take me to dinner and a show!
What kind of refreshments shall we serve?
Sushi!
[narrator] Princess Vi immediately vetoed
the sushi idea as being too expensive
but promised to cater in
a few cold cuts, coffee, and maybe some danish.
[squawking] [bird] Read all about it!
[narrator] The tournament was announced
throughout Little Tokyo.
-[Momma Mutt] Oh, how nice! -[Junior] Read it aloud, Mom!
It's written in invisible ink.
-[Momma Mutt] I'm just kidding. -[Junior] Thanks a lot!
Princess Vi and the council are holding
a martial arts tournament.
Can we go, Mom?
Are they serving sushi there?
No, but they've got cold cuts, coffee and danish.
I know the Pizza Cats will enter this martial arts tournament.
So we'll also enter it with our strongest robot.
We'll mash them in front of every one.
[laughs]
Yes, Seymour. Why don't we use the Samurai storm book?
No, no, no, no, no!
We can't enter that big clumsy clot
into a contest that requires sophistication
Come on!
can't you come up with a better idea?
Let's see...
Bad Bird has been brushing up on his karate kicks lately.
Why don't we enter him in the contest?
Princess Vi hates Bad Bird, you dumb idiot!
Who else is warming up in the bull pen?
We could hire one of the former stars
of the Kung Fu Theater.
You're making me very angry, Jerry.
Angry! [electronic buzzing]
[loud explosion]
We could always drag out our old standby Bullshot Bill
out of moth balls.
[moaning] Yes. You'll have to do, Jerry.
[character] Bullshot Bill representing us
instead of me? What an insult!
That corroded has been couldn't karate chop a noodle.
I'll win that contest!
[narrator] Back at the Pizza Emporium,
Al Dente was issuing orders regarding the tournament
to the Pizza Cats.
We'll be too busy making pizza for them to enter!
No you won't!
Princess Vi is catering a mishmash
of cold cuts, coffee and danish
so the crowd's culinary needs are taken care of.
Sounds like he wants us to enter the contest.
No kidding.
[Francine] You better lose early and get back here
because I know we're going to be busy.
[all groan in annoyance]
[narrator] Armed with inspirational words
from Francine, the Pizza Cats loaded up
to make their usual entrance to the tournament,
which coincidentally enough,
was just about to get under way.
[happy music] [Francine] Attention,
I'm opening the hatch
because the Cats entered a dumb Kung Fu match.
But if they don't lose soon and get back here by noon,
I'm attaching a lock to the latch.
Ok, so it's a rotten poem, but I think you catch my drift.
Ka-powie!
[explosion]
[whizzing and explosions]
[music continues]
Hey, Mom!
Why were there four shots this time?
Don't bother me now! I'm working up an appetite
so I can pig out on cold cuts and danish.
Oh!
How long is that going to take?
I'm ready now. Let's go eat!
You know, the tournament won't be so bad.
The first prize is dinner and a show with Princess Vi.
Hey, fantastic, Speedy!
If I win, I'll donate the prize to the ASPCA.
[narrator] The tournament attracted
every weird-looking bum in Little Tokyo
who had ever taken a karate or jujitsu class.
-Plus, one surprise entrance...-[Speedy] Lucille!
Hi!
Are you entering the tournament, too?
You mean you're entering the contest?
It seems like I have no choice, Speedy.
You see, I've built up such a reputation as a hothead
I have to prove it.
I see!
[Al Dente] Speedy Cerviche to the ring!
[screams wildly]
[screams]
[narrator] Speedy and his sword,
Polly and her manicure,
a nonchalant Guido,
a mysterious masked entrance,
and Cheese's robot, Bullshot Bill.
All defeated their opponents with ease,
and advanced to the next round.
I shall read the names
of those who've advanced to the second round.
Speedy Cerviche;
Frog Face, the master of chained lightning;
[whirling]
Guido Anchovy;
Smiling Jack, the battling chiropractor;
Lucille, the hothead;
Manny, the spear river;
and the mysterious man in the iron hockey mask.
Also, Rooster Codbird;
"Don't-ruin-my-manicure," Polly Esther;
Bun Benny, I mean, Ben Bunny;
Magilla the Hun;
and Bullshot Bill.
[huffs and puffs]
I can't wait to see them knock themselves silly!
How do you decide who fights who next?
The next pairing was decided by drawing lots.
[Princess Vi] Drawing lots of what?
[Cheese] Lady luck is on my side already.
Bullshot has drawn a bye for his next round.
[laughs]
[pants]
Oh, this is so exciting!
-[yelps in excitement] -Shut up.
In this corner, wearing stylish white armor,
Speedy Cerviche!
-Get 'em, Speedy! -Send 'em back to the frog pond!
We're having frog's legs for dinner!
[Al Dente] And wearing the purple leisure suit,
Frog Face!
[croaks] [crowd boos]
[laughs]
Go on my signal.
[Frog Face] I'll squash you like a cockroach.
Gee Frog Face, that's a nice outfit you have.
[grumbles incoherently]
Begin!
[exciting music]
[whirling]
[screams] [electronic snap]
[yelling excitedly]
[shouts in pain]
Go home, kid. This match is mine.
[electronic buzzing]
[screaming]
Who would've thought
that tacky tadpole could pack a wallop?
Get him, Speedy!
[Al Dente] You've got to free your sword
so you can reverse the electrical flow.
I'm trying!
I can do without the comments from the peanut gallery.
Swallow this, moose mouth!
[electronic explosion]
[groans] [loud crash]
[Al Dente] One, two, three, four, five
six, seven, eight, nine, ten!
You're out!
I hereby declare Speedy Cerviche the winner!
[all cheer]
Hey, Speedy!
Show us a little fancy swordplay!
Coming right up, Vi!
[yelps happily] The Samurai!
[gong]
What a show-off!
[Al Dente] Next up is Smiling Jack, the chiropractor
and Polly Esther.
Well, here I go!
[narrator] Smiling Jack had a grin that could tickle
every single heart in the Ladies' Mahjong Society
of Little Tokyo.
He also had a pair of thumbs
that could tickle a lot of other places.
[peppy music]
[gasps] What's he doing?
Begin!
[giggles] Make your move!
You bet I will, Jack! [screams]
-[kung fu yell] -I gotcha!
-I'll tickle my way to victory! -[winces uncomfortably]
Feels good, huh? [laughs]
[screams]
[hysterical laughing]
-[sputters and screams] -[continues laughing]
Therapy is over! Bye! [laughs]
[Al Dente] You've rolled out of bounds!
This match is over.
I have to declare Smiling Jack the winner.
No! He cheated!
Amazing.
[Al Dente] Sorry Polly,
but thumb tickling isn't against the rules.
The thumb tickling is sanctioned by the kung fu commissioner?
[suspenseful music] [Al Dente] The next match,
features Lucille, the hothead and Manny, the spear river.
Are you ready? Begin!
[circus music] [laughs]
[crying]
-Fire! -[whistling]
[stammers in fear]
[loud explosion] [suspenseful music]
The match is over.
Lucille is the winner, in an explosive victory.
[all cheer]
[audience cheers and claps]
We've got to neutralize those vessels.
[Al Dente] Next up, Rooster Codbird
and the mysterious man in the iron hockey mask.
[Cheese] I can't help thinking I've seen that mask somewhere.
That hockey puck doesn't stand a chance.
You're right. He'll never get off the ground
while he's wearing that ridiculous golden gear.
[Speedy] Maybe he'll just stand there
and try to block all Codbird's slapshots.
[Guido] Yeah.
[Al Dente] Begin!
[gobbles and screams]
[exciting music] [loud crashing]
He's got him cornered!
[crows]
[suspenseful music]
Batter up!
[whizzing]
-[kung fu yell] -[bat cracks]
[squawks]
[Al Dente] They mysterious man in the iron mask
wins by virtue of his amazing skills
with a baseball bat!
-I thought he played hockey! -Only in the off season.
[Al Dente] Next match,
Guido Anchovy versus Ben Bunny.
Stand still a second, will you?
Ready? Begin!
[boings] What's up, doc?
[electronic shots]
[Guido] Rabbit pellets, huh?
You're shooting them out the wrong end.
[Ben] You can say that again.
[Guido] No thanks,
I'd rather send out some emanations of my own.
-[electronic whirling] -[Ben screams]
[Al Dente] The winner is Guido Anchovy!
That's the way, Guido!
Those pellets didn't tickle him.
[Al Dente] In the final match of this round,
Bullshot Bill meets Magilla the Hun.
[cheers happily]
Didn't that guy Magilla duel Zorro to a draw
on T.V. last year?
Yeah. I don't think Bullshot has a chance against him.
Ready?
Yeah.
[growls]
Begin!
[suspenseful music]
[growling]
[loud crash]
[all gasp and murmur in surprise]
They look like a couple of frozen pizzas.
Don't just stand there.
Somebody say something.
Sayonara.
[all gasp in panic]
Bullshot Bill is the winner by knock out!
Well done! What a fighter.
I think I'll sneak back to the Emporium.
Are you afraid you'll go up against Bullshot next?
Don't worry. I'll volunteer to fight that overgrown cow.
What're you gonna do, Guido?
Play toreador with your umbrella?
[narrator] Speedy drew Smiling Jack in the next round
and was totally unsusceptible to Jack's lying thumbs.
In fact, Speedy reversed the flow
and defeated Jack with his own medicine.
The baseball skills of the man in the iron hockey mask
were no match for Lucille's thermal fastballs.
Defeated by a girl!
And after I paid ten bucks to rent this disguise.
[grunts in surprise]
What am I doing?
[jazz music]
Was that the crow we love to hate?
[Bad Bird] I hope she didn't recognize me
[gulps in fear]
Oh boy!
That last barrage of missiles Lucille fired
certainly warmed up this place!
[Bad Bird] Lady, get off my back.
[narrator] Guido got his wish.
He was pitted against Bullshot Bill
in the semi-finals.
Ready? Begin!
[growling]
Bullshot, I'm gonna tan your hide!
-[grunts] -[loud explosion]
Holy cow!
[screams]
[loud crash]
[narrator] Guido's red umbrella
made the big bull so mad
that his retro rockets went into after burners,
enabling Bill to bunt Guido clear out to the boonies,
right, Guido?
[stammers] Yeah.
Bullshot Bill is the winner of this contest
and shall proceed to the finals.
[cheers] Bullshot, Bullshot, Bill
Go, go, go!
How many times do I have to tell him
not to wear that Girl Scout's uniform?
[narrator] The next match on the agenda presented
the spectators and Al Dente
with a conundrum;
That means a seemingly unsolvable problem.
Speedy was to fight Lucille,
the love of his life,
head to head.
I'm no kung fu champion that you can win, Speedy.
[laughs]
You're number one in my book, Lucille.
I'm going to let you win.
Look at that guy! He's drooling over her!
You can say that again.
Look at that guy. He's drooling over her.
Speedy, if you throw this match I'll make your life miserable.
What a nasty thing to say!
I'm angry. Bombs away!
[gasping in fright]
[soft sigh]
They're empty
[loud crash]
You got any clever strategies
for me to use against Bullshot Bill?
Yeah: Take one step back with your left foot,
turn and run the other way!
Hey Guido,
with friends like you who needs enemies?
Your honor is more important than this silly contest
That's swell of you to put honor
in front of winning.
So to preserve your honor and save face for the Pizza Cats
just throw yourself at him with all you've got!
I think you're missing the point here.
Hey! This should inspire you to greatness:
Princess Vi is rewarding the champion
with dinner and a show
Oh yeah, I forgot about that.
[Speedy] Her grub is always good
and maybe she'll invite some of her friends.
[giggling]
Girls, girls, girls!
How are you feeling, champ? Can I get you anything?
A glass of water? A slice of quiche?
Oatmeal.
I don't know why I have to take his blood pressure
when he doesn't have any.
Because I don't want anyone to know we entered a robot.
[chuckles]
No one could ever accuse us of cheating, right?
And speaking of cheating,
just in case Speedy gets the upper hand,
I brought along my stun gun!
Those two boneheads are treading on thin wonton soup,
if they think they can cheat their way to victory.
[narrator] Al Dente introduced the finalists
just as the bologna ran out at the concession stand.
[Al Dente] In this corner, Speedy Cerviche.
Hey Speedy, look up there!
Don't the boys look cute in their outfits?
Go away, you bimbos!
I'm working this side of the street.
Rimshot, rimshot Bullshot Bill!
Rock them, sock them, make them ill!
[Al Dente] And in this corner, Bullshot Bill!
[happy music]
Gosh, I can't wait to see them pummel each other!
Let's get this show on the road!
Ready, set, begin!
Get me out of here!
[suspenseful music] [growls]
[Speedy] Let's see, what was it Guido said?
Step forward with the right foot, and...
No, forget it!
[suspenseful music] [growls in determination]
Take the elevator!
[screams]
[both together] Happy landing!
[screaming]
[gasp in fright]
Somebody get me a fluffy pillow!
[loud crash]
[suspenseful music]
[grunting and growling]
[wince]
[music continues]
[gasps in delight]
He's holding his own!
Don't let him do that, Bullshot! Reverse that hold!
That's it go, Speedy! Give him all you've got!
[narrator] All Speedy had to do to win was to keep thinking
about the gorgeous girls he'd asked Princess Vi to invite
to his championship dinner party.
Hey, Guido! He's thinking about girls again.
Where's Jerry with that stun gun?
[narrator] He was right there on the roof
ready to set the stage for a stupefying climax.
- He took careful aim, -[explosion]
[narrator] But there was a certain crow
who had a bug in his beak about cheating.
Who threw that?
I did, Jerry.
Now I'm really mad, Bullshot.
I want dinner with Princess Vi so bad I can taste it.
[narrator] With visions of Vi's young girlfriends
dancing in his head,
Speedy unleashed the full power of his magical jingju sword.
And he thought: "Hey, we'll forget the show
we'll all get into our skimpy leotards
and do a little bit of low-impact aerobics instead.
To build up an appetite for dinner, of course."
[meows]
[growls]
-[electric buzzing] -A quadruple whammy!
[kung fu yelp]
[electronic echo] [loud explosion]
Wow!
Bring on the dancing girls.
[all cheer]
Hooray for Speedy!
Speedy wins! Light the ceremonial fireworks!
[cheering] [loud explosions]
Oh boy! Dinner and a show with Speedy!
[angrily gnashes teeth]
[loud explosion]
Is it over?
You've won the tournament, Speedy!
So what show do you want to go see?
And where do you want to go to eat dinner?
[stammers] Well, actually I...
-[laughs] -Would you rather whisper it?
I'm too shy.
What do you mean too shy? Do you want to go or not?
I'll do whatever you say, just don't get angry.
Shall we have French food or Italian food?
-[Speedy] French. -[Princess Vi] Okay.
And there's a romantic movie that I want to see.
[stammers] Romantic?
Looks like Speedy is stuck with just Princess Vi.
-He could do worse. -That's debatable.
[jaunty music] [narrator] Speedy's date was set
with Princess Vi. He could imagine the scene:
She'd probably want to order
and cut his meat at the restaurant.
Then, if she didn't like the movie
she'd throw a fit and start yelling:
"Off with their heads!" at the screen.
What if I asked her to bring along
just one girlfriend?
-[Polly Esther] She'll get mad. -I know.
[narrator] Ladies and Gentlemen,
the Samurai Pizza Cats oath:
"The Pizza Cats are samurai,
and I'd like to note,
their antics take your breath away
[Cheese] like furballs in your throat.
We kittens are a special breed,
we never call retreat.
Whenever Big Cheese knocks us down,
we land upon our feet."
[narrator] So hail to thee, oh Pizza Cat;
-[explosion] -Please ring your little bell.
Although you may be pen and ink,
we know you'll fight like...
[all together] Pizza Cats!
[closing theme song]
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
♪ We hope you liked the show It's the best we could do ♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
♪ If you could do better Then we'd leave it up to you ♪
♪ Just a reminder You might like to know ♪
♪ The Cats will be back For another big show ♪
Oh, gosh...
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
♪ They're fighting crime All over town ♪
♪ Oooh yeah ♪
[Pizza Cats] Two, four, six, eight
Why do we exaggerate?
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪